26 Weeks

Today (Thursday, July 11th) I am 26 weeks along. Today I woke up and suddenly, I feel HUGE. I feel like my abdominal wall is stretched to maximum capacity and I will just rip open if I get any bigger. I know this can't be true, because I still have 12 to 14 weeks of growing to do. What!?

Nothing is ideal. Sitting, standing, lying down. Nothing. But also, nothing is unbearable. Everything is okay, but long gone are the days of napping comfortably on by stomach, outside in the shade lying on a blanket. I don't think I could lie on the ground comfortably on my side anymore. So I guess I'm not 12 years old anymore. No more Nancy Drew novels digested while lying on my stomach on the floor of my room, knees bent, feet kicking back and forth above my body. Wait, that never happened. I've never read any Nancy Drew. More realistically would be me reading Christopher Pike or something. Die Cheerleader was one of my favorite books as an 11 year old girl. That may be more realistic. Still, none of that comfort. I'm no longer able to be carelessly unaware of my body. Here it is. I am here.

The other day my husband walked into the room with two more hot dogs on a plate and said to me, "It's one of those 'eat a whole package of hot dogs' kind of days. Do you love me anyway?"
I responded. "No, I love you because."

Fact is, I can only love a man who can drive a full pack of hot dogs in him. No more, no less. He is the perfect man for me.

Here is an example of what makes me a truly happy person. Sure, maybe we're not millionaires. Maybe we don't have fancy cars and clothes and gadgets. Maybe my dog is a blind mutt and our cats are secretly plotting to kill us, but we are happy. My blind mutt is happy, and our homicidal felines are pretty happy to. It is the small things that we must not over look. The small, wonderful things that we might miss if we hurray past. I love my husband, because he makes me laugh, because he is kind and thoughtful, and because he can put away a full pack of tube steaks.

So when I have a side ache because my core is being stretched to the max, or I can't seem to figure out how to flip over from lying on my left side to lying on my right, I think about all the little things and I smile. I laugh because I'm a giant turtle, stuck on their shell. I'm happy because I have another human forming inside of me. Someone who we are already familiar and we have not yet met. A little Paul and Lanni and a whole lot of individual. I can't wait to meet him. Any discomfort is temporary and well worth it.

I will remind myself daily to look for joyful things. To give myself moments to enjoy things and to accept the little gifts the universe throws at me. If my husband and I can teach our child anything, I hope it will be to be happy.

Neato Parenting Fads

Please, read this article. It is informative and hilarious!
Click the link to open the article;
6 Progressive Parenting Fads You Won't Believe are Legal:
http://www.cracked.com/article_19344_6-progressive-parenting-fads-you-wont-believe-are-legal.html

One Great List, 6 Great Ideas. My thoughts:

#6 Suspended Baby Cages
You had me at Baby Cage. Need I say more? Best part, you're child learns the valuable skill of climbing out of open windows. Well done.

#5 Baby Yoga

This video should clearly show why I believe this to be a sick and twisted form of child torture. It has clips from the same video posted with the article above but this clip is from a news broadcast warning people that this is NOT a healthy baby exercise and to not try this at home. They also show this to a woman who is holding her newborn for the fist time. Nice of them, isn't it?

#4 Man Milk
My husband Paul and I have been talking a lot about this one. We believe this could be our best chance for me to get back to work quickly and skip the formula. Or not. Probably not.

#3 Deification Sans Diaper
Sounds cheap, clean, effective and simple. Forget the diaper and just clean up the shit. Clean up the constant, unpredictable stream of shit. Wait, maybe diapers are worth the price after all.

#2 Genderless Child
See my previous post Genderless Child.

#1 Lotus Birth
I have also dedicated an entire post to this subject before I found this article. Quite an amazing idea really. Natural is better. What is natural? Trendy Birthing Ideas, Vol. 1: Lotus Birth


Prenatal Life Coaching
Here is my very favorite prenatal parenting fad, Prenatal Life Coaches. You've heard of a Life Coach, someone who, well, I don't know. Someone who pretends they have some qualification to give you advice. A counselor with no degree. A psychologist with no accreditation. A psychotherapist with no ability to understand or prescribe medicine. Sounds safe and effective right? It also sounds like my mom is already my life coach, only I don't have to pay the lady. That makes it easier to decline any advice I don't believe fits well for me.

My Blind Dog Louie is the Best Life Coach.
Louie is a great listener, a good huger and an even better snuggler. Also, he doesn't charge and when he's bugging me I can just put him outside and shut the door (I could try this with my mom too?). He won't even hold a grudge at our next session. Louie never tries to force me into anything I don't feel comfortable with. I am confident he's listening to me because he always tilts his head from side to side, showing he's being an active listener.
www.lifewithblindlouie.blogspot.com

Who's your life coach? Any neat parenting ideas? Share them in the comments!

Movement: Make My Bububs Bounce

There's a party in my uterus and I'm not invited.

It's like having noisy downstairs neighbors. Up all night partying. Kicking the walls and ceiling. My mouth is connected to this party. If I have some sugar, watch out! My downstairs neighbor goes buck wild. Some kind of Tae Bo party. Does that date me, make me old? Anyone else remember the Tae Bo fad? Moving on.

Clearly, the most exciting part of pregnancy thus far is feeling my baby move. It is just, so. damn. NEAT! I'm at a loss for words really. It is all happening gradually but quickly. At first I felt a subtle swimming. Now it's kicks. Full on. No mistaking. Kicks and punches. Usually down really low. I'm even noticing a pattern in activity at certain times of the day.

So, what exactly is going on in there? It seems our little fella is stretching out. Practicing movements. Sucking and swallowing. Tasting and hearing now even. I can't believe it! It is a miracle. It is nothing short of miraculous that a human being is forming inside of my body. A real live baby is growing inside of my woman parts. My uterus is magic!

For the first time in my life I am completely on board with the idea of me being a woman. I've always hoped, wished and wondered otherwise. I was such a tomboy growing up, I was sure I was a boy from age 4 to 10. Now I know I'm not, and I would be missing out on this amazement if I was. I'm not saying that a man can't experience the wonder of becoming a father while his child is still in the womb. I'm just saying that he will never feel that baby growing inside of him, the same blood pumping through both of their veins. My fetus breathes what I breathe, eats what I eat, tastes what I taste. This connection that I will undoubtedly have with my child is already so strong. I understand more than ever what my mother was going through as she raised me. (Sorry mom. Please forgive me for being such a... teenager.)

Gotta make my bububs bounce.

Everyday I feel the kicking and I think that, this is it, it won't get any stronger. Then the next day there is a harder one and that slowly becomes the new norm. To think that sooner or later I could be actually seeing my baby move under my skin is amazing! It's something that would have scared me when I was younger. Something you see in a horror movie before the monster burst through the skin of the unaware victim leaving them lifeless and bleeding. Nope, that's just my baby boy in there, and I love him.