15 Weeks and Growing

Yes, the first trimester is over. O.V.E.R. Done and done. I've heard people say that is the worst part about pregnancy. Cool, does that include the birth? Probably not.

I am just over 15 weeks now. We had a doctors appointment on Thursday which is now a monthly thing. I sure am glad I like my doctor and nurses or this would be awful. At the appointment they asked me some questions, pushed on my tummy, checked my blood pressure and collected more urine. I don't know if these people are into water sports or what, but they sure do like my pee.

This time I wasn't nervous at all like I had been the last time. My husband Paul came with me and we joked in the waiting room. The doctor was running a little behind and we had to wait about a half an hour. I had to ask Paul to stop making me laugh or I would wet myself. I was trying to hold my pee for the cup and it was tough. I'm sure that's not going to get any easier for a while.

Being more relaxed meant I remembered to ask some questions. Like, "Why do you like my pee so much?" and "Did last months blood test look okay?". Turns out they are collecting my piss for medical reasons, who would have thought? They will check my urine every visit for protein and sugar. I sure hope they don't do that by tasting it. Sugar would mean diabetes and protein would be kidney problems or something. Looking good there, they say. My blood work was great, my blood pressure was good and everything from the ultrasound was awesome. No markers for down syndrome or any of that.

The best part? I don't have HIV, gonorrhea or hepatitis. I was really on the edge of my seat for that one. I told Paul there was no way to be sure, since I have a compulsive habit of digging through medical waste and drinking any fluids I find. We're in the clear now.

I guess little Baby is the size of an apple and growing fast. I'm starting to feel that apple in the lower abdomen, and I'm starting to show! Sure, it's under blankets of my own fat but still! I can't suck in or wear any pants that I have. Only leggings and dresses for this gal. It's more comfortable anyway. Sometimes, when I'm by self in the grocery store I like to arch my back, push my stomach way out and put my hand on the bump. Then I ask people where the pickles and ice cream are with a really serious look on my face. Oh, boy. This is going to be fun!

I'm reading a book that contains a ton of birth stories. It's all pretty magical and amazing. I'll write more about my thoughts on that soon.

Trendy Birthing Ideas, Vol. 1

A good friend of mine, and a wonderful mother of two amazing girls, shared a link with me on my Facebook page yesterday. My best friend Stephanie knows me very well. She shared the link along with a note "Just for you Lanni". She has a great sense of humor. It was an article about a 'New Trend' in birthing and newborn care that really got me laughing. It is, just as the article said, a trend. Or is it? Is it actually like five people participating that wrote an article to make us think we're missing out on something, because we've never heard of this before?

Its called The Lotus Birth, here is a link to the article: New Trend: The Lotus Birth

If you don't want to read the whole article I'll sum it up for you. Some people seem to believe it's unnatural to cut the umbilical cord. Some seem to believe keeping the cord attached along with the placenta is better, carrying it around in a glass jar with the option of wrapping the cord in a silk ribbon. They even take time to describe the smell you'll enjoy while waiting up to TEN DAYS for the thing to dry up and fall off.

Why would this be more natural? They claim that cutting it off can cause infection. Did anyone do any studies about carrying around a rotting piece of meat attached to your newborn? Can that cause infection? Does that breed bacteria? They also claim that the "Lotus Birth teaches that doing so (cutting the umbilical cord) can be bad for babies." Bad for babies? On what grounds, with what research? Sounds convincing right?

Let's think about what natural may really be like. What was it like in the caveman days? The mom or the dad probably would chew through the cord and they would fight for the fresh meat. Maybe even, if they were hungry enough, they would eat the new baby. If the mother was so lucky to survive the birth at all. Should we try this too? Because I think it sounds really natural.

As I told my friend who sent me this article, I think I'll go for a natural prairie home on the range / Oregon Trail style delivery. You bring the warm towels and the whiskey, someone put a wooden spoon in my mouth for me to bite down on and our dog can snatch away the placenta after I deliver. Sound natural? Or maybe I should just use a stick instead of a wooden spoon, just to be safe.

So if you think that the Lotus Birth method sounds right for you, go for it! Maybe you should check with your doctor first. Let us know how it goes. And if we see you walking around the grocery store with your 2 week old and a discomposing body part in a jar still attached to your infant, don't get mad when you see people staring.Your body, your baby, your choice. Own it, but don't expect everyone to do the same thing as you.

Sick and Pregnant

Today I have a cold. I felt it coming on yesterday, but I was in denial. Sleeping for 14 hours isn't exactly an indication that I'm coming down with something anymore. It's just been pretty standard for the last three months. My throat hurts, that is the worst part. That accompanied by a god awful, seal-like cough. I sound like a barking seal. Is that a thing? I feel like I should be hitting beach balls off my nose and clapping my hands when I do it. Don't toss me any whole fish though, I've heard I'm supposed to avoid sushi now that I'm pregnant.

I went into work this morning anyway, regardless of the seal cough, hurting throat and raging headache. I did just sleep 14 hours, what else was I supposed to do? In my defense, being responsible I did take my temp before leaving to verify that I was not running a fever. See, I'm not just a tough guy, I'm also a responsible mom in training. I am raising this fetus into a baby here. I do not want to parboil them in my amniotic fluid. It is important I watch myself. No more "power through the pain!" the way I used to. Well, there is lots of that actually. I just have to pay attention to the pain. Is this normal pregnancy and life stuff, or is the devastating life destroying stuff? Thanks to the Internet most basic questions can be researched before I decide to check into the ER.

I left work a few hours early after catching up on all my paper work. I stopped at the store on my way home to pick up a few essential items. Milk, half and half, whole wheat bread, 32 count soft baked chocolate chip cookies. Wait, that's not for me, I swear. It's just for my husband. Really. But the most important was a lemon, a piece of ginger root and honey. It is with these three simple ingredients that I can craft my homemade elixir! It is with those three ingredients that I can cure SARS, H1N1 and light case of the AIDS.

Peel the ginger and slice it very thin. Boil it for quite a while. Pour into a mug over a teaspoon or two of honey and squeeze in a quarter of that fresh lemon and Voilà! magic anti-sickness potion.

So then, here comes the onslaught of moms telling me that ginger is poisonous to pregnant women and honey is too. Thanks Internet. I have researched nearly every ingredient that I consume. Ginger is bad in high doses. Like concentrated ginger, say four pounds of fresh ginger dried and ground into a fine powder and stuffed into a capsule, yeah, that's probably not good. Can you overdose on ginger? Maybe not, but a shit ton of anything might not be good for you.

Honey is not recommended for infants before the age of one. Something about spores that can make us sick and a babies immune system isn't strong enough to handle it yet. This doesn't include fetuses. I can enjoy my honey, although I know I should be watching my sugar intake in all forms. Honey will soothe my sore throat and help my cough. I think two teaspoons today will be okay. Better then that 32 count tray of soft baked chocolate chip cookies, that's for damn sure.

Voyeurism

Thursday, April 4th, 2013. 12 weeks.
Okay, so I left a couple hours early from work today because I was feeling a little nauseous and a lot tired. I came home thinking I might turn on the TV or read for a few minutes and take a nap. Instead I found myself grabbing the laptop, heading to bed, logging on to YouTube and typing one word into the search box. Birth.

What am I thinking, will this be a good idea? I don't know, but there I went.

Alright, every birth on YouTube is a hippy giving birth on the floor of their tiny bathroom, in a bathtub, or in some big inflatable kiddy pool. Some even right there on their toilets. Whatever floats your boat I suppose. Strange watching a hairy woman with dreads squatting in to a creek bed while a baby falls out on to the slimy rocks. Oh my, it's so natural! This is how we are meant to do it! Well except for that camera right there, and YouTube, and this car we drove here in, oh well.

Patton Oswalt really sums up my feelings on 'natural' births in the most hilarious of ways. While it's not all exactly what I think, and it's obviously exaggerated, it is damn funny and true. Thanks Patton. Check out the video of the clip.

Mostly, I think it's important that people get to choose the way that want to do it, so if pushing out the babe on the dirt floor in your shed makes you happy? As long as it's not hurting anybody else, go for it. So shut your mouth hole about what I should do, it's my choice to make as well. If I want to try to squeeze this out in a hospital, that's what I'm going to do. and if I want to do that without medication, that's what I choose. I also have the reinforcements on standby should I need any help.

Watching these videos of birth, I'm looking at something that once may have made me scream, or throw up. I'm pretty sure I've watched a birthing documentary in school a long time ago. I was around peers so I really hammed it up and made a show of how gross it was, holding my palms flat against each other in front of me like I was praying and then trying to squeeze my face through while making aweful noises. I was the class clown, people would accept nothing less of me. Today when I watch this video it is very, very different.

I looked at this strange, private, life changing moment and realized I would have to do this too. And soon! I will do this, but I will not squat on to a dirty bathmat in a tiny bathroom with a group of onlookers making a spectical of myself. I will not perform for the camera. No camera's allowed, thank you. I will give birth in a hospital, without the use of drugs and with my husband present. I will hope that I can deliver naturally, for the love of God. That brought me to my next YouTube search, cesarean.

by Mark Ryden 'The Birth' www.markryden.com

Holy mother of God, NO! All the grunting and squatting with giant engorged genitals is nothing compared to watching a cold scalpel slicing through layers of skin, so many layers. Skin and more skin then fat then muscle and organ to reach in and pull the unsuspecting baby out. Something about it seems so wrong. I guess it will be fine if it has to happen. I was born via cesarean, my mother survived. I want to be awake when my baby meets the world, and I want to be unmedicated. I don't want my baby to be on any drugs either. This leaves me the option of being numbed from the waist down and awake for the surgery. That sounds like some kind of horror movie, but it will have to do if that is my only option.

This C-section business, I will choose not to think about too much, because I do not have any control at that point. I will not be handling my surgery. I will have to surrender and trust the doctor. Instead I will envision a smooth and natural birth. I am made for this, quite literally. I will think about how it might hurt, but how I will get through it and how empowered I will feel when it is over. If I can do this, I can do anything! and I know I can do this.

Our First Ultrasound

Baby, lying on their back

 Ok, it is a fact. There is a small human residing in my body. It's not a joke. Not some elaborate prank that my husband orchestrated involving medical professionals, home pregnancy test manufacturers and my family. It is real. I have a baby in my belly. My uterus IS magic, and I have the photos to prove it.

The ultrasound was on Monday, April 1st at 3:15. My pre-appointment instructions were to drink 16oz of water 45 minutes before the appointment and retain it. This means I need to drink a whole bottle of water at 2:30 and not pee for over an hour. This seemed like some kind of crazy torture idea. I'm pregnant. I've been peeing every half and hour for the last two months. I also sometimes can't get anything down, let along 16oz of that something. Even water. But I knew I would comply and I knew I would survive it.

We get to the appointment at 3:00, fifteen minutes early to check in as they asked. It takes two minutes to check in. Literally, two minutes. We sit down in the waiting area and I really, really have to take a leak. I feel like I could just pee right there, no big deal. My husband and I keep joking about everything and every time I start to laugh I have to stop so I do not wet myself.

The ultrasound tech call my name promptly at 3:15, right on time. The woman is quick and firm, but somehow friendly at the same time. We got into a room, she tells me to lay down on the table and she dims the lights so it's almost completely dark in the room. I somehow avoid falling onto the floor and I lay down onto the table as instructed. Pull up your shirt, squirt some jelly on there and here we go! Just like that. Right away there is a big white area. She says, "Wow, you got a full bladder girl". Yes, yes I do. She moves the wand down until there is another area, inside of that is a little bean. There it is. There he/she is. Really? Yes really!

The picture is fuzzy but it's still amazing. She tells me my uterus is retroverted. What? She said it tips back toward my spine instead of forward like most woman's do. About 1 in 3 to 5 women have it. It's no big deal, but it makes it harder to get a good picture of the baby in there. She's looking for specific measurements, so it's important to get a good look. She tells me she wants me to try and empty my bladder half way, and then come and try to get a better picture. I head for that bathroom not a moment too soon. Good think I've been practicing my kegels! I peed and stopped half way before returning.

Sure enough, my bladder blob was a bit smaller, but that just made it harder to see the elusive baby. She said we're going to have to get an internal picture. What? I never knew there was such a thing. My mind starts to wander. She told me to go the bathroom, I could finish peeing (phew) and then to get undressed, bottom half only. There was a robe I slipped into and went back into the room. It was dim, she put a sheet over my lap, I laid down. She handed me a long white object with a light on the end of it. It looked like it was wearing an over sized condom. Oh, internally. Shit. This is weird.

Baby, mid-wiggle

So dildo-cam in place, we proceed. As soon as the picture is on the screen I forget about the awkward robot sex going on under the sheet. There is our baby! Clearly, a baby! Not a blob in fuzzy grayness. Seemingly asleep, he/she lay on the bottom of my uterus. Suddenly, and without warning, it jumps! and wiggles! He/she float back down to the bottom, and go again! I jump! Oh, my! I had no idea there was so much movement inside of me. This is amazing. Completely amazing. Baby continued to put on quite the show. Jumping, wiggling and flipping around. He/she even turned their back to the camera for a second before shoving their feet out in front, showing they have five toes. At least on one foot anyway.

The experience of the ultrasound is more than I could have ever hoped for. I had no idea there would be this much movement this early on. Paul was thrilled as well. When I asked him if the image made him teary-eyed, he said "It was awesome but the sound of the heartbeat was what made me really choke up." I asked why and he said "What can I say, I'm a tape man.". And I love him.

I Told My Coworkers

I told the guys at work. It was a Friday. My doctors appointment on Thursday went well so I was feeling more confident about it. It was meeting time, 10am. Everyone was in the break room. The usual break room topics include, guns, government, health care, wives, and food. I'm sure I miss out of some of the other topics which change when I enter the room. For the most part, I am one of the guys.

I walked into the crowded room and said "I'd like to address you all together and tell you something before any rumors start, I am going to have a baby." I paused "No, not right now, don't worry." Everyone laughed. My face was red, I sighed and felt a huge release getting that off my chest. The questions started to fly. "How far along are you? When did you find out?" I told them I was ten weeks and I've known since the beginning of February. Somebody says "Wow, you sure know how to keep a secret." I say "Just imagine when else I could be hiding from you!" I get another laugh.

I thanked them all for smelling like gasoline and car grease and not smelling like Axe Body Spray, because perfume is making me gag and also making me violently angry. They all promise they wouldn't even use deodorant. Ha!

I love working with guys, it's so great. I don't feel like any of them are judging me or whispering behind my back. None of them are thinking about how much weight I will gain or how my clothes don't fit me right. They don't even notice. Phew.

So now the cat's out of the bag for the most part. Now I am waiting for the ultrasound before I start telling strangers and screaming it from the mountain tops.

Our First Doctors Appointment

Today is Sunday March 24th, 2013. I am ten weeks pregnant. Last Thursday was our first doctors appointment. I had been nervous all day. I was anxious for this appointment since February 6th when I peed on that expensive piece of plastic and it showed two lines. The day couldn't come soon enough. Now that it was here, it felt like I had swallowed a bunch of golf balls and couldn't get the last few all the way down my throat. My better half insisted everything would go well, and he was so happy. Paul has a way of calming me down and reminding me that worrying isn't going to help, without making me want to punch him in the mouth. What a great guy I have.

As expected, the appointment did go quite well. Nothing out of the ordinary in fact. I had my first downstairs exam with someone else in the room and Paul was a complete gentlemen. He did not high five the doctor like I had imagined. He even held my hand when I was looking uncomfortable.

They used a doppler to try and hear the heartbeat. We couldn't but the doctor said that wasn't uncommon because ten weeks is still a little early for that. We did hear my pulse, loud and clear with my blood rushing through my placenta. That even made Paul a little teary-eyed.

I was told to watch what I eat, gestational diabetes runs in my family. Keeping my weight gain to a minimum will make everything about this a little easier, including carrying myself around. I am due back to the doctors on April 25th for my next check up. Before that, on April 1st we have an ultrasound appointment. That is what I am most looking forward too. I want to peek inside myself and see a little person nestled in there. It is still unreal to me that this is actually happening.