Alright. I think I might rant. Fair warning. Let's see how this turns out.
Why, when you announce a new milestone that has been reached in your young babies life, do other people (women especially) say things like "Oh, no. You're in trouble now."?
Here is an example: Dario rolled over from his tummy to his back. He had done it a few times before but it seemed like an accident then and this was definitely deliberate. He was four months old. This is great! He is using his body the way he is supposed to. He is reaching important milestones in his physical development. So with my excitement, I posted a short clip of the video I had recorded of our little fella in action. I was surprised at the response. Many of the comments that followed included "oh no" and "you're in trouble now" and "it won't be long until he's into everything".
Okay, so I'm a new mom. I don't "know" what it's like to stay at home with a toddler, I have never gone through those years myself. I have some idea. I have been around children, I have baby sat. I am also six years older than my brother and I remember how annoying he was to me when he was two or three. Still, why would reaching a new era in a persons physical development be received with gasps and frowns.
I know what is coming. I do. My baby will turn into a toddler, then a child. Soon after he'll somehow turn into a walking, talking, thinking, adult human being. Whoa. Amazing isn't it? I can forget that in the moment of playing with my infant son that he will be my age someday. If we are lucky. And there is my frustration with the negitivity. If we are lucky.
If we are lucky. Our child will roll over. He will learn to push himself up, respond to his name, crawl then walk, eat food and think for himself. We should be so lucky. Some would say "God willing". So when Dario rolls over we should all smile. He is a normal baby. He is able to roll over. He is alive and growing.
I know there are people who sigh at everything. Complain about everything. Use everything they can as an excuse. Those people may be frustrated that their baby starts to walk and talk. Annoyed when they cry out. They are bothered to wake at night, to have too cook for them, to pick up after them. Think about what happens then:
They interact with their children in a frustrated, annoyed way. Teaching their kid how to act frustrated and annoying. Then it seems they try to suppress every new thing the child does. Crawling or walking? They will be strapped in a high chair, sitting in a play pen or wrangled into a kiddie corral or plastic fenced in area in the house. Don't let them learn and explore because they don't want to deal with supervising this. How will a child learn anything if he isn't allowed to do anything? Don't want to clean up after them? Resent them and clean nothing instead. Then they will never learn how to clean up after themselves and they will get used to the idea that they are worthless and everyone resents them.
In my days as a receptionator (TM) scheduling appointments over the phone, I spoke with a lot of these parents. I would try to schedule an appointment and they would say "no, that time won't work. I will have to bring the kids with me." I would explain they are welcomed to bring children and we have a nice waiting area for everyone. They would seem frustrated with me that I would suggest it. "Oh, you don't know my kids." or "You won't want to have to listen to them."
Think about the message you're sending that child. "You are annoying and loud and no one wants you around because you don't know how to act."
How do you expect the child to know how to act appropriately in a public place if they are not allowed to go anywhere with you? A child needs trial and error. They need to test their boundaries. If you want your kid to be well behaved in a waiting room, bring them places with you and help them to learn what is good manners.
It is our job as parents to teach our kids to be polite, respectful and fun to be around. It is so much easier if they can learn these things before their cute wears off. Nothing is worse than an ungrateful, stink faced, awkward preteen glaring at you. Teach your kids please and thank you. How to decline an offer without hurting someones feelings. Teach them never to insult someones cooking. Teach them to wash their hands, clip their finger nails and not pick their nose in public. Sure, they're kids, they will need reminding. But practice makes perfect!
I know it will be hard for me the first time Dario throws a tantrum in a public place. I know this will happen. No matter how good a parent is, this is inevitable. There is a whole website named and dedicated to Reasons My Son is Crying. What really matters is how I react when he has that tantrum in the store. If I match his intensity and lose my cool, then I am the one who will look like an asshole. Then I will teach him that if he wants to really get mom's attention, then all he has to do is scream and cry in a public place. This will lead to more and more tantrums. As hard as it may be, if I can keep smiling as I drag him from the store, we will be okay. He will feel foolish and will learn how to control himself as he grows up.
Life. The minutes may be long but the days are short and the years even shorter. If I can only remember this after an eight hour day of a fussy screaming toddler. I need to remember he won't be that age for long. Tomorrow is new and I may find myself longing for yesterday. Why waste today? I challenge myself to smile and swell with happiness when Dario cries. He is tired and rubs his face and whimpers. This little Fussy Gus won't be this way for long. I will miss this, I know I will.
Don't forget we are lucky to be here today. Make the most of it.
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