37 Weeks Plus, Still Waiting/Birth Plan

37 weeks and 5 days. 17 days to go until our due date. Still Waiting.

Everything is going quite well. I am still working full time, I am still able to do most things. I am having a harder time bending over and lifting things. I suppose I shouldn't be doing that anyway, so yeah. I'm learning to ask for help, which to be honest, has been tough. Sleep hasn't been without interruptions. I've been used to the get up and pee every few hours thing, but now I'm waking up to the baby rolling around and having a harder time falling back to sleep. It's okay really, I'm not that groggy when I get going in the morning. I do, however get tired earlier in the day than I used to. No coffee to help me along either.

All of this is very normal and bearable. I also realize it's preparing me for being roused from my peaceful slumber to feed and care for a new born. I'm getting good at it. The waking up part, only time will tell for the rest.

The strange part is waiting. Waiting for something I'm pretty unsure about. I am pretty sure of the final outcome. I know I will have a baby. I just know how it will start, or progress. This is my first time and I don't really know what I'm waiting for exactly. How will this happen? Nobody knows. It's different for everyone. Still waiting...

I've read enough that I know what might happen, or should happen. But every piece of information that I read also says how it is different for everyone, with every pregnancy. 'Results Not Typical'.  That is why my birth plan has gotten shorter and shorter and now seems insignificant. Everything you read now, and every new mom I've talked to asks 'What is your birth plan?' 'Do you have a birth plan ready yet?' And I'm like, what the hell is a birth plan? Yes, I plan to give birth!!!

Read this controversial and possibly offensive article written by a medical doctor on the subject of birth plans. Oh yes, the author is also a woman.
Birth Plans: Worse Than Useless 

Well turns out it's a newer and now very important birth plan is pushed pretty hard if you are leaning toward the hopes of a natural birth. And what does that even really mean anyway.  I am pretty set that I don't want any drugs. No pain medication that is. I don't want IV narcotics because I don't want my baby to have narcotics. I don't want an epidural for a much more selfish reason. I am much less afraid of the pain I will experience than I am of the idea of someone shoving a huge needle into my spine causing me to lose all feeling in my legs. It will also make me immobile. What if there is finally that zombie apocalypse that I've been planning for? I don't think I'll be able to run. What if there is a bear loose in the Child Birth Center? What then? In all seriousness, I just don't want that huge needle jammed in and I want to be able to move about the cabin. But, if there is an emergency and I need a C section, than so be it. I know I'll need to be numb for that!

So here is my birth plan:
I wish to deliver a baby from the inside of my body to the outside, hopefully by way of my vagina and without pain medication, but ultimately, by any means necessary. Thanks for your help!

Does that really need to be written down or can my husband and I just tell the nurse that when they offer me drugs? Believe me, I've gotten really good at turning drugs down in my lifetime, especially in the last nine months.