38 Weeks and 3 days, Preparing for Labor

So here we are, another week has gone by. Things are going by fast since I'm still working. Yesterday, Friday, should have been my last day. One of my coworkers is on vacation and I think I will go in on Monday and Tuesday also to help out since we're short staffed and the lady I trained to replace me is still learning. That is, I will go in on Monday and Tuesday if I am not in labor.

I guess I need to start saying that. 'If I am not in labor'. I think I'll go to the grocery store in the morning, if I am not in labor. Ooh, I want to cook that barley and butternut squash recipe I read about, if I am not in labor. I think tonight will be a great night to sleep, if I am not in labor!

We went to the doc's again on Thursday, that was day 1 of 38 weeks. She told me that things are progressing the way they should be. The baby has moved down some since the last time she checked me two weeks before. He is still head down and butt out front and my cervix is softening but not quite dilated yet. So she doesn't predict an early delivery, but you never know!

My doctor is very honest and realistic. She knows that the body will do what it wants to and while there are many factors that she can count on as good predictors, there is no sure way to say when I will go into labor. We talked more about choosing to forgo the drugs during birth. My doctor spoke more straight forward than ever.

"The more natural you can go, the more likely you will have a shorter and successful vaginal birth. The epidural rate has risen over the years and so has the cesarean rate. There is something to that. Your labor might not hurt as bad with an epidural but you won't be able to move around and it will slow things down a lot. If you can do without that and keep moving you will have a much better chance that things will keep progressing well and move forward faster. If you need a break, take IV pain meds and try to sleep for a little bit. Remember, this cannot last forever. This is a marathon, your marathon, into motherhood."

How great it was to hear all that. There is the conclusion I have come to in all the reading I have done. I CAN do this without drugs. It is only temporary and it is only pain and discomfort. I WANT to do this without drugs. I don't care at all what you did for your labor. This isn't for anyone else to compare to. This is MY marathon into motherhood. MINE. I have control over myself, and if I do change my mind when I'm there, who gives a shit. That is my decision to make, I should not feel bad or like a failure. If I should have to have a C section, I did not fail at giving birth. If the end result is three living family members in the room instead of the two that walked in, then we have succeeded.

I feel lucky that my husband, partner, best friend is so supportive. I get a lot of "Well, if you don't want drugs I think that is pretty cool. If anyone could do this it is you, Lanni. and if you do change you're mind, we are at the hospital and all we have to do is ask."
He has also been randomly giving me compliments about how well I've been handling pregnancy. That makes me proud that he is noticing that I am not a wussy or a whiner. Usually, wussies and whiners get all the attention. The squeaky wheel gets the grease right?

I have had no shortage of uncomfortable pregnancy symptoms but I've chosen not to focus on them and make them worse. I am choosing not to make them bigger than they are. Paul has noticed. He noticed that it must be tough to carry this extra and awkward weight, it must not be much fun dealing with around the clock heartburn and shortness of breath. He knows it probably would suck to have to get up five times a night to pee. While I talk about those things sometimes, it's mostly to joke about and not to cry about. I am glad someone has noticed. No this isn't easy, but it is most defiantly tolerable.

Only time will tell how this will go. I burned my birth plan and instead will bring my confidence, flexibility and resilience. I will not have tight restrictions on what others can or cannot do. I will not try to tell the weather I am demanding 55 degrees and sunny. I will go into this with the understanding that I will control the only thing I actually have control over: the way I react to any given situation. This is my marathon into motherhood.