Show Me Your Genitals

I am now 18 weeks pregnant. It's going by faster than I thought it would. At first, I was counting every second, then everyday. Then it went to every week. Now a few weeks will go by and then I'll think about it and say, wow, time IS moving after all. The countdown's are many. Third trimester start date, when will I really feel the baby kick? Due date etc. The one I am currently most excited about is the countdown to our next ultrasound. This ultrasound will be different than the last. Our little jelly bean has grown so much. It will be 9 weeks since our first ultrasound and a lot has happened in those 9 weeks.

The whole goal of this visit is for one seemingly odd reason. We're trying to get a clear picture of the baby's junk. Their downstairs. Their basement. All eyes on the wee-wee or the pee-she. That's right, we're all trying to take a peek at our baby's genitals.

Apparently taking naked photos of your own children isn't okay anymore. I know I have a baby photo of myself in the bath tub in my baby book. Adorable. But now it's only okay if that baby is still a fetus and is still inside you and the photo is in black and white. I'll take it. I want to know. I want to see that babies junk. I hope this little thing isn't as modest and camera shy as I am. I hope they'll roll over to the camera and spread eagle. I want to know! Is it a boy or a girl?

I ask myself often why I want to know. Why? I don't have any control over the decision, it has already been made. I want a healthy baby, I don't really care what gender it is. So if I don't have any say in it and it's already determined and I don't care, then why do I want to know? I think it's mostly because I want to picture what my future is like. Not that I will be painting a nursery pink or blue depending on the results of our next ultrasound. Not that I will expect my child to like only Barbies or Tonka Trucks. Only so this may seem more real. I have a small person growing inside me. Who are they? Who is he? Who is she?

I want to start picking a name and imagine them as a person with an identity. It is becoming more real all the time, but it is still kind of surreal actually. Again, there is a fricken human being growing inside of me!! Learning the gender of our child is just one more piece of this mysterious puzzle. The rest will have to wait until they arrive.