Weird Dreams

Baby's first gift. Handmade booties from Paul's Grandma Cathy

My uterus is a fish bowl with a lid on it that is totally full of water. I can feel my little goldfish swimming around. Although the fishy is not exactly strong enough for me to feel it when he hits the sides, I know he's there because of the waves he's creating.

So far I've had lots of dreams about being pregnant but none about the baby, until last night. The dreams of being pregnant usually include me hanging out with old friends that I never see anymore, some of them have even died years ago. We're doing whatever we would have been doing in my younger days. Sitting around, listening to music, drinking beer. I'm always about half way into a beer when I realize that, hey, I'm pregnant! I'm not supposed to be drinking this! It seems no one else is concerned and they don't seem to believe that I'm pregnant.

I had a dream that I had the baby. I didn't remember giving birth but I left for work from the hospital just after. I knew I had to head home soon because of the baby. My dad was supposed to bring the little one home for me. I had to bum a ride home because I didn't drive to work due to just giving birth. (funny how in dreamland I knew I shouldn't drive but didn't know I shouldn't go to work the same day I gave birth, go figure?) When I got home I found my dad in bed with the little one all bundled up next to him. It was a boy. I peeked in and took a look at his tiny little face. His upper lip was covered in long, wispy silky hair. It was reddish-brown hair, just like his daddy's beard. I remember wondering and trying to decide if I thought he was cute or not, I wasn't sure. I picked him up realizing that I hadn't ever fed him and I'd been at work all day. I took him into another room to breastfeed. He latched on quickly and was a messy eater. There was milk in his mustache and it tickled to feed him. It was like having a little bass fish attached to my nipple. But with all that weirdness I just described, it somehow didn't feel unnatural at all.

It's a surreal thing to think about how I will have everything I need to keep that baby alive within my body. Both now while as a fetus inside the womb, and when it's a baby after birth. My boobs are all the food and water they'll need for a long time. The purpose of my breasts were always a mystery to me. They always seemed to get in the way as a tomboy growing up. As they grew, they were more annoying. Now they give me trouble when I get dressed for work and look in the mirror. Everything looks good, but then there's that cleavage! Ugh. No. That is why I have scarves. It's like wearing a boob blanket without looking like a weirdo, except on really hot days, then I still look like a weirdo. Maybe becoming a mother and using these ta-ta's for what they were made for will make me less self conscious and more accepting of my womanly curves? We shall see.